Find Your Lifeline

• Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger to you and your children before it occurs.
• Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
• Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
• If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
• If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help.
• Know the phone number to your local battered women’s shelter. If your life is in danger, call the police.
• Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.

• Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner.
• Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
• Tell your children that violence is never right, and that neither you nor they are at fault.
• Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
• Plan for what you will do if your partner finds out about your plan.
• Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
• Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled.
• Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
• Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.

Let your child know that what’s happening is not their fault and that they didn’t cause it. Let them know how much you love them and that you support them no matter what. Tell them that you want to protect them and that you want everyone to be safe, so you have to come up with a plan to use in case of emergencies.

When talking about these plans with your child, use phrases such as “We’re practicing what to do in an emergency” instead of “We’re planning what you can do when dad/mom becomes violent.”

This can reduce the risk of a child repeating language that could make the situation more dangerous.

Note: If you are concerned about the safety of your pets, learn more about safety planning for pets here.

If you are in an abusive relationship, a safety plan should include ways that your children can stay safe when violence is happening in your home.

• Teach your children when and how to call 911.
• Instruct them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go.
• Come up with a code word for emergencies.
• Identify a room they can go to when they’re afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared.
• Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons.
• Teach them that although they want to protect their parent, they should never intervene.
• Help them make a list of people that they are comfortable talking with.
• Enroll them in a counseling program if possible.

• If you have separated from an abusive partner and are concerned for your childrens’ safety when they visit your ex, developing a safety plan for while they are visiting can be beneficial.
• Brainstorm with your children, if they are old enough, about where they can get to a phone, how they can leave the house, and who they can go to.
• If it’s safe to do, send a cell phone with the children to be used in emergency situations.

• Avoid exchanging custody at your home or your partner’s home.
• Meet in a safe, public place such as a restaurant, a bank, or near a police station.
• Bring a friend or relative with you, or have them make the exchange.
• You can plan for your partner to pick the children up from school to reduce contact.
• Create an emotional safety plan for before and after the exchange.

Because violence could escalate when someone tries to leave, here are some things to keep in mind before you leave:

• Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries.
• Keep a journal of violent incidents, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
• Know where you can go to get help and tell someone what is happening to you.
• If you are injured, go to a doctor or emergency room and ask them to document your visit.
• Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them.
• Contact your local shelter and learn about laws and resources available to you.
• Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.

Make a plan for how and where you will escape quickly. You may request a police escort or stand-by when you leave.

No one leaves perfectly. Taking what you can and getting to safety still counts.

• Driver’s license
• Birth certificate and children’s birth certificates
• Social security cards
• Financial information
• Money and/or credit cards in your name
• Checking and/or savings account books

• Protective order
• Copies of lease/rental agreements or deed
• Car registration and insurance papers
• Health and life insurance papers
• Medical records for you and your children
• School records
• Work permits/Green Card/Visa
• Passport
• Divorce and custody papers
• Marriage license

• Your local police and/or sheriff’s department
• Your local domestic violence program or shelter
• Friends, relatives and family members
• Your local doctor’s office and hospital
• County and/or District Attorney’s Office

• Medications
• Extra set of house and car keys
• Valuable jewelry
• Pay-as-you-go cell phone
• Address book
• Pictures and sentimental items
• Several changes of clothes for you and your children
• Emergency money

Your safety plan should include ways to ensure your continued safety after leaving an abusive relationship.

• Change your locks and phone number.
• Request caller ID and blocking if possible.
• Change work hours and routes if needed.
• Change transportation plans for children or consider changing schools.
• Alert school authorities of the situation.
• Keep a certified copy of any restraining order with you at all times.
• Give copies to employers, neighbors and schools along with a picture of the offender.
• Use a post office box or trusted address for mail if needed.
• Reschedule appointments the offender knows about.
• Use different stores and social spots.
• Alert neighbors and ask them to call police if needed.
• Consider stronger doors, motion lighting, or a security system.
• Tell child care providers, drivers, and school staff about the situation.

Pregnancy is a time of change. If a partner is emotionally or physically abusive, it can make these months of transition especially difficult. Thankfully, there are resources available to help expecting women get the support needed for a safe, healthy pregnancy.

• If you’re pregnant, there is often a heightened risk during violent situations.
• If you’re in a home with stairs, try to stay on the first floor.
• Getting into the fetal position around your stomach if you’re being attacked can help protect you.
• Doctor’s visits can be an opportunity to discuss what is going on in your relationship.
• If your partner goes to appointments with you, try to find a moment when they are out of the room.
• If you have decided to leave, a health care provider can become part of your plan.
• If possible, attend a women-only prenatal class where you may be able to speak privately.

A protective order can help protect you immediately by legally keeping your partner from physically coming near you, harming you or harassing you, your children or your family members.

While protective orders may be able to put a stop to physical abuse, psychological abuse is still possible — so a protective order should never replace a safety plan.

You can get an application for a protective order at:

• Courthouses
• Women’s shelters
• Volunteer legal services offices and some police stations

You also have the right to file a charge against your partner for things such as criminal assault, aggravated assault, harassment, stalking or interfering with child custody.

Ask a volunteer legal services organization or advocacy group in your area about the policies in your local court.