Find Your Lifeline

Emotional abuse systematically undermines the victim’s self-worth, self-trust, and sense of self, much like brainwashing. Also known as psychological or mental abuse, it can range from overt verbal cruelty and constant criticism to subtle disapproval and an ongoing refusal to ever be satisfied.

Even when it leaves no visible scars, it can create deep and lasting emotional wounds, confusion, and chronic self-doubt.

• Berates, belittles, criticizes, threatens, calls you names, and constantly finds flaws with you.
• Makes unreasonable demands, requires constant attention, deliberately starts arguments, and has sudden emotional outbursts.
• Nothing is ever good enough for them and everything is always about them.
• Accuses, threatens, gives orders, and has a judgmental “I know best” attitude, then blames you for being “too sensitive” when you feel hurt.
• Refuses to listen or communicate, withdraws emotionally, and dismisses viewpoints, perceptions, or feelings that differ from their own.
• Manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are their own, holding you responsible for their happiness.
• Emotionally blackmails you by using fear, guilt, compassion, religious values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want.

• Trivializes your thoughts, minimizes your feelings, and invalidates your pain.
• Suggests your emotions and perceptions are faulty and can’t be trusted.
• Disregards your personal standards or beliefs and pressures you to do things you do not want to do.
• Denies your needs with the intent to hurt, punish, or humiliate you.
• Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity, which can become gaslighting.
• Must have their own way, even if it means hurting your feelings to get it.
• You feel like you have to walk on eggshells because of drastic mood changes and unpredictable responses.
• Can be disguised as “helping” or “teaching.”

Verbal abuse happens when a person uses demeaning words, tone, or body language to criticize, humiliate, or dominate another person. It often includes put-downs and name-calling meant to make someone feel unworthy of love, respect, or competence.

If the harmed person objects, they may be told it was “just a joke” or that they are overreacting. Over time, this can wear down self-esteem and make the abusive dynamic harder to recognize.

Verbal abuse can be overt, such as angry outbursts and name-calling, or covert, such as subtle remarks that slowly erode self-trust while sounding almost harmless on the surface.

The more subtle forms can be especially confusing because the aggression is hidden inside dismissiveness, false concern, sarcasm, or “helpful” correction.

• Withholding – keeping one’s thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams to oneself while staying silent and emotionally unavailable.
• Countering – consistently opposing anything you think, feel, or express.
• Discounting – denying your reality and distorting your perception of what is happening.
• Disguised as jokes – hurtful comments presented as humor.
• Blocking and diverting – refusing to communicate openly and controlling what can be discussed.
• Accusing and blaming – blaming you for their anger, irritation, or insecurity.
• Judging and criticizing – delivering harsh judgments under the cover of “helping” or “teaching.”

• Trivializing what you say or feel.
• Undermining your confidence and determination.
• Threatening rejection, abandonment, loss, or pain.
• Name-calling.
• “Forgetting” in ways that deny your reality or manipulate the situation.
• Ordering and controlling in ways that deny equality and autonomy.
• Denial of your experience altogether.

Physical abuse involves the intentional use of physical force with the potential to cause injury, disability, death, or harm. This can include scratching, pushing, shoving, throwing, grabbing, biting, choking, shaking, slapping, punching, burning, using a weapon, or using one’s body or strength against another person.

It can also include denying medical care, depriving someone of sleep or other basic needs, forcing drug or alcohol use, or harming children or pets to terrorize the victim psychologically.

• Sprains, dislocations, fractures, or broken bones.
• Burns from cigarettes, appliances, or hot water.
• Abrasions on arms, legs, or torso that resemble rope or strap marks.
• Internal injuries, pain, difficulty with organ function, or bleeding from body openings.
• Bilateral bruising to the arms.
• Bilateral bruising of the inner thighs.
• “Wrap around” bruises on arms, legs, or torso.
• Multicolored bruises that suggest injuries occurred over time.
• Injuries healing without proper care.
• Signs of traumatic hair or tooth loss.

• Injuries are unexplained or the explanation does not fit what is observed.
• Different family members give different explanations for the same injury.
• A history of similar injuries or suspicious hospitalizations.
• Being taken to different medical facilities to hide a pattern.
• A noticeable delay between injury and seeking care.

Sexual assault involves the physical invasion of a person’s body without consent. It can include rape, attempted rape, unwanted touching, groping, forcing sexual acts, or penetration with a body part or object.

If a situation involved any unwelcome physical sexual contact, it may have constituted sexual assault.

Informed consent is mutual, voluntary, and sober. It should be discussed before and throughout sexual activity, and both people should be able to express wants, limits, and discomfort without fear.

Force is not only physical. Emotional coercion, manipulation, intimidation, threats, or exploitation of impairment also make consent invalid. A person cannot legally consent when asleep, unconscious, intoxicated, drugged, underage, or otherwise unable to freely choose.

• Chronic pelvic pain, back pain, and headaches.
• Gastrointestinal distress.
• Muscular and skeletal complaints.
• Asthma or respiratory ailments.
• Insomnia or other sleep disorders.
• Sexual dysfunction.
• Eating disorders.
• Addiction.
• Pseudocyesis (false pregnancy).

• Depression and anxiety.
• PTSD symptoms.
• Dissociative states.
• Repeated self-injury.
• Suicide attempts.
• Lying and stealing.
• Compulsive sexual behavior or poor contraceptive practices.
• Difficulty following medical recommendations.
• Sexual shutdown, numbness during sex, compulsive seductiveness, fear of intimacy, or a constant search for intimacy.

• Difficulty walking or sitting.
• Bloody, torn, or stained underclothes.
• Bleeding, bruises, or swelling in the genital area.
• Pain, itching, or burning in the genital area.
• Frequent urinary or yeast infections.
• Weight changes or major appetite changes.
• STIs, especially in younger children.
• Pregnancy.

• Inappropriate sexual knowledge or behavior.
• Nightmares or night terrors; fear of being alone in the dark.
• Suicide attempts or self-harm, especially in adolescents.
• Shying away from touch or appearing threatened by physical contact.
• Low self-esteem or distorted body image.
• Refusal to remove clothing even when appropriate.
• Difficulty owning or expressing anger; fear of others’ anger.
• Strong startle response or chronic hypervigilance.
• Difficulty trusting, or indiscriminate trust that turns to rage when disappointed.
• Attachment and abandonment struggles.
• Running away from home.
• PTSD or rape trauma symptoms.

• Depression, anxiety, and withdrawal.
• Shame and guilt.
• Difficulty sleeping.
• Psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches.
• School problems, absences, or drops in grades.
• Poor hygiene or excessive bathing.
• Regressive behaviors such as thumb-sucking, rocking, or bed-wetting.

Financial or material abuse can include fraud, theft, using someone’s property without permission, concealing information, limiting access to assets, or creating dependency through intimidation and control.

These tactics can be subtle or overt, but they often function to entrap someone in the relationship by reducing independence and access to resources.

• Controlling how all money is spent.
• Withholding money or giving an “allowance.”
• Sudden inability to pay bills or sudden withdrawals from an account.
• Forbidding the person to work or sabotaging employment.
• Forcing bad checks, fraudulent tax returns, or surrender of public benefits.
• The person lacks belongings they could otherwise afford.
• Items are purchased that the individual does not need or use.
• Personal items go missing.
• The person managing finances is evasive or uncooperative.

• Reluctance to accept care services because of control dynamics.
• Evading child support or manipulating divorce by hiding assets.
• Withholding money for food, medicine, or other basic needs.
• Blocking access to bank accounts or excluding the person from financial decisions.
• Running up debt on joint accounts.
• Refusing to work or contribute to family income.
• Stealing identity, property, or inheritance.

Neglect is a form of mistreatment that results from inadequate attention, carelessness, or disregard for another person’s needs. It can cause serious physical, emotional, relational, and practical harm.

Physical neglect can include failing to attend to medical, hygiene, nutritional, and dietary needs such as changing bandages, bathing, grooming, dressing, or providing enough food.

Emotional neglect can include ignoring, belittling, isolating, or repeatedly discounting a person’s emotional well-being and need for connection.

Abandonment involves deserting caregiving responsibilities without arranging adequate support.

Financial neglect can include failing to meet financial obligations such as rent, mortgage, insurance, utilities, taxes, or needed medical costs.

Self-neglect involves failing to meet one’s own essential physical, psychological, or social needs in ways that threaten health, safety, and well-being.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

• Power imbalance: the person bullying uses power such as strength, status, popularity, or access to embarrassing information to control or hurt someone else.
• Repetition: the behavior happens more than once or has the potential to happen more than once.

• Teasing
• Name-calling
• Inappropriate sexual comments
• Taunting
• Threatening harm

• Leaving someone out on purpose
• Telling others not to be friends with someone
• Spreading rumors
• Embarrassing someone in public

• Hitting, kicking, or pinching
• Spitting
• Tripping or pushing
• Taking or breaking someone’s things